Panic Attacks and Me

How a Diary Became My Anchor in the Storm

Author: Daria, 31. Moscow.

The first time it happened in the subway. Suddenly my heart started racing, I couldn’t breathe, everything went dark. I thought I was dying.

After 15 minutes it stopped. Doctors later said it wasn’t a heart attack — it was panic attacks and anxiety disorder.

That’s how my personal hell began.

Before the first panic attack I had a normal life. After — I was afraid of everything.

Leaving the house. Going into the subway. Being alone.

My world shrank to the size of my apartment. I didn’t live. I waited for the next attack.

My therapist told me to keep an anxiety diary. Write triggers, thoughts, panic attacks, what helped.

I started writing. Then I began tracking anxiety levels from 1 to 10.

And something changed.

After a month I saw patterns.

Triggers:

I realized anxiety doesn’t appear randomly. It has triggers. If you control triggers, you control anxiety.

The diary showed me the map of my enemy.

The most important thing I learned: panic always passes. It’s a wave. It comes, but it always goes away.

I made a list of what helps:

Every time I survived. Every time.

Now I live almost a normal life again.

I understood something important: Anxiety is not an enemy. It’s an alarm system that is too sensitive.

The diary taught me to read the signals and remind myself: “This will pass. You handled it before. You will handle it again.”

I still take medication and go to therapy. The diary didn’t replace the doctor. But it became my anchor.